The Plan
by The Dream Whisperer
Summary: Kyouya and Kaoru are devious, and Hikaru and Tamaki are oblivious. Haruhi is an innocent bystander. TamakiKyouya, HikaruKaoru, with faked KyouyaKaoru.


**The Plan**

**Characters/Pairings: **Tamaki/Kyouya, Hikaru/Kaoru, Kyouya/Kaoru hints  
**Rating: **NC-17  
**Words:** 4887  
**Summary:** Kyouya and Kaoru are devious, and Hikaru and Tamaki are oblivious. Haruhi is an innocent bystander. The rating is for the smut in the last part, which is denoted by ''.

"So why are we doing this again?" Haruhi sighed, smacking her forehead with a hand.

"Because tono's an idiot and Hikaru needs a wake-up call," Kaoru chirped from inside one of the changing stalls.

"So why am I helping you two?"

"Because I threatened to double your debt if you don't," Kyouya's voice came from the stall beside the first, calm and cool as always. Haruhi shivered involuntarily.

"I'm going to repay that debt one day, you know," she informed the curtain in front of Kyouya's stall.

"Yes, yes, of course," Kyouya said, sounding far too amused for her liking. "In the meantime, how do I look?"

The curtains drew back. Haruhi stared. Blinked. And stared some more.

"The apron's a bit much," she said finally.

Kyouya looked down at his outfit. "Do you really think so?"

"It's too corny, Kyouya-senpai. We should be more subtle," Kaoru said, having finished changing himself.

'_Subtle like the letter to Tohru-kun?_' Haruhi thought dryly, but didn't speak. She feared Kyouya-senpai's wrath.

"True," Kyouya nodded, taking off the polka-dotted apron and throwing it haphazardly back into the changing stall. Haruhi tried not to imagine the expression of the cleaning staff when they find it.

"Kyouya-senpai, Haruhi are you ready?" Kaoru asked, smirking slightly. He was already at the door.

"Yes, yes," Kyouya returned his smirk and walked towards the door. "Haruhi? Don't try to hide in one of the stall. We can see you clearly."

She sighed, "I'm coming..."

--

DAY 1 - IN WHICH KAORU IS ARES AND KYOUYA IS APHRODITE, AND THEIR AFFAIR IS RATHER INCESTUOUS

"Ne, Tamaki-senpai..." Sidling was certainly _not_ Haruhi's forte.

"Hm?" Tamaki tore his eyes away from staring at Kaoru and Kyouya. His Zeus outfit jingled. "What is it, daughter?"

"Kyouya-senpai and Kaoru have been acting rather odd lately, don't you think?" Another note: whispering furtively wasn't her forte either. Haruhi wondered, for the umpteenth time, why she was doing this.

Oh yes, the debt. Damn Kyouya-senpai.

"That devilish twin is poisoning okaa-san's mind," Tamaki muttered under his breath. "Kyouya's been looking at him longer than usual. Three heartbeats longer, in fact."

Haruhi stared a little. "Um, Tamaki-senpai, why do you notice that?"

"I notice everything about Kyouya. Ssh," he shushed her. "Oh, what are they _doing_ now?"

"Ares and Aphrodite have an affair, tono. Don't you know?" Hikaru suddenly spoke from behind Haruhi's left shoulder. She didn't jump, however, and he frowned slightly.

"I wonder why Kyouya-senpai volunteered for the Aphrodite role... And Kaoru wants the Ares role so badly too... Do you think they...?" Hikaru stared at his twin in puzzlement.

Haruhi felt like knocking their heads together. '_Kaoru's right. Hikaru and Tamaki-senpai are really stupid._'

"Tamaki," Kyouya called, suddenly turning towards them.

"Hikaru," Kaoru said from beside him.

"Don't you both have work to do?" They chorused.

Tamaki and Hikaru jumped up, looking disturbed, and ran off to their respective designees, who were already used to this.

Kyouya smirked at Haruhi, and Kaoru smiled a too-sharp smile.

She wondered if running out of the country for two weeks would be enough to escape from this.

--

DAY TWO - IN WHICH HONEY-SENPAI IS OBSERVANT AND HARUHI STRAINS HER VOICE

"Ne, ne, Kao-chan, Kao-chan," Honey chirped as he bounced towards the freshman. "What are you reading?"

Kaoru inwardly breathed a sigh of relief, '_Finally someone notices._'

"Hmm?" he said out loud, sounding as nonchalant and distracted as he could. "Kyouya-senpai's notebook."

Haruhi sighed. "DIDN'T KYOUYA-SENPAI SAY THAT HE ONLY SHOWS THAT TO PEOPLE HE _REALLY_ TRUSTS?"

Oops. Maybe that was a _little_ too loud.

Kaoru winced at the volume, shrugging slightly to hide it.

"Mmhmm," he nodded.

In Tamaki's Corner of Woe, a small storm cloud started to rain. Thunder struck a few times, though it was soft enough that Haruhi could ignore it.

"Tama-chan, Tama-chan," Honey bounded towards the President's side. "Why are you growing mushrooms here?"

--

DAY THREE - IN WHICH HIKARU PROVES THAT THERE ARE BRICKS LESS DENSE THAN HE IS

"Hikaru-kun," one of the girls approached him during lunch, biting her lip and looking worried. "Did you and Kaoru-kun have a fight?"

"No, why?" Hikaru blinked.

"Because Kaoru-kun's sitting with Kyouya-sama and you're sitting here..."

Hikaru looked towards where she was pointing, and looked up. '_He found a better seat and he didn't tell me!_'

He nodded towards the girl and walked to where Kaoru and Kyouya-senpai was seated, three seats away from the air-conditioner and farthest away from the teachers' bench.

Kaoru looked as if he wanted to punch him. Hikaru wondered why.

--

DAY FOUR - IN WHICH MORI-SENPAI CATCHES ON

"..."

"Subtlety doesn't work on Hikaru and Tamaki," Mori said suddenly, a hand on his chin.

Kaoru blinked in the middle of reading a book over Kyouya's shoulder. "Mori-senpai?"

"You should be more obvious."

He walked away. Kyouya blinked, turned a page, smirking all the while.

"Well, I guess it means that he approves, then?"

--

DAY SIX - IN WHICH HIKARU REALIZES SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG

"Kaoru..." Hikaru yawned as the phone rang again. He turned over, managing to find a cool spot on the bed. That was odd...

"Kaoru?"

He opened his eyes, and found that he was alone.

"Kaoru?!"

"Hikaru-sama, Kaoru-sama has left," one of the maids informed him as he jumped out of the bed and headed straight for the front door, still half-naked and in his pyjamas bottoms.

"Where is Kaoru?" he demanded.

"Kaoru-sama left for the Ohtori house thirty minutes ago, Hikaru-sama. He asked me not to wake you." The maid seemed to be cowering in fear. She must be new.

"What?!"

--

DAY EIGHT - IN WHICH TAMAKI CATCHES ON

"Haruhi..." The girl blinked as Tamaki crept next to her, peering over the sofa.

"Kyouya's spending a lot of time with Kaoru lately..." He pressed his finger tips together, looking at them almost sheepishly.

Haruhi nodded. So he had finally noticed. "Yes, Tamaki-senpai. Kyouya-senpai has also let Kaoru read his notebook..."

Which was actually filled with rubbish that _she_ wrote. She nearly grimaced.

"Um..." Tamaki paused, playing with his hands.

Kyouya looked from where he was seated with Kaoru; head bent over a piece of paper. He raised an eyebrow.

Tamaki ducked behind the couch and pulled Haruhi down with him. "Um..."

"What is it, Tamaki-senpai?" she sighed impatiently. "If there's nothing, I have to go. I have to cook dinner tonight..."

"No, wait!" Tamaki whispered hurried, pulling at Haruhi's sleeve. "Daughter, do you think there's anything between Kyouya and that devilish twin?"

"They look like they're dating, don't they?" Haruhi said matter-of-factly, slipping out of Tamaki's suddenly-limp fingers and walking out of the door.

Behind her, Tamaki twitched on the floor where he had fallen from the couch.

'_How... Dating... Kyouya and Kaoru..._'

"Noooooooooooooo!"

Kaoru smiled lopsidedly at Kyouya, thumbing through the novel that he was reading. "It seems that tono has got it."

Kyouya laughed softly, smiling as he gazed at Tamaki's direction. "Aah."

--

DAY NINE - IN WHICH HIKARU PLOTS AND KAORU LAUGHS

Hikaru caught up with Kaoru after class, just as his twin was heading towards the Third Music Room. He had a Mission, and no one was going to dissuade him from it.

"Ne, Kaoru..." He said, grinning as Kaoru slowed down to wait for him to catch up.

"Hm?"

"Want to play a prank on Kyouya-senpai?" The Mission was to show that Kyouya was definitely Unsuitable for Kaoru, and that it wasn't fair that Kaoru was ignoring him for Kyouya-senpai.

"Why?" Kaoru tilted his head, looking at him with curious eyes. Hikaru's grin grew wider.

"Because we have never done it before. It'll be an interesting game," he said confidently.

Kaoru smiled, lifting an eyebrow. He looked somewhat evil, somewhat like Kyouya-senpai, so much that Hikaru nearly shivered. "No."

Hikaru blinked, "Why not?"

Kaoru laughed, leaning forward until his forehead bumped with Hikaru's before drawing back. "Because Kyouya-senpai doesn't deserve it, and it's not like you to suggest that, Hi-ka-ru. Right, nii-san?" he grinned, showing a row of clean, white teeth. Hikaru gaped.

Kaoru had _never_ called him 'nii-san' before, and it sounded so... odd that Hikaru wanted him to call him that again. Just to hear how it sounded like.

"Ja I'll see you later outside the door of the meeting room, then?" Kaoru was suddenly in front of him, waving while Hikaru stared at him in shock.

He disappeared around the corner.

--

DAY TEN - IN WHICH TAMAKI PLOTS AND KYOUYA IS AMUSED

Tamaki had an Idea. He was sitting in the corner, drawing circles, while contemplating his Idea.

Okay. He was sulking. But just a little bit.

"Kyouya's been spending too much time with that unscrupulous Kaoru lately... 's not fair... Mommy is ignoring Daddy and that isn't right with the world..." he muttered under his breath, drawing triangles on the wall he was facing.

He contemplated his Idea, deep in thought, an Intellectual Frown on his brows.

Behind him, Kaoru tried not to laugh. Kyouya's mouth twitched. Haruhi tried her best to distract Hikaru away from Kyouya and Kaoru's suspiciously un-lovers-like behaviour. It wasn't working very well. She glared at the two for a split second before turning back to Hikaru and trying to get him to concentrate on his homework, because, really, it was due _yesterday_ and the teachers couldn't be tolerant forever.

Kyouya smirked slightly and picked up a piece of chocolate, dipped it into Kaoru's favourite brand of maple syrup, and fed it to the younger boy. Kaoru smiled his best uke-smile, and blushed slightly. Just a tint of red across his cheeks.

Smoke could be distinctly seen coming out of Hikaru's ears. Tamaki twitched. There was no more time to polish up the Idea. It was perfect as it was, anyway.

"Kyouya" he called, jumping up from his Corner of Woe and turning his most brilliant smile on _his_ Vice-President.

"Hmm?" Kyouya didn't look at him, seemingly preoccupied with wiping a spot of maple syrup from the tip of Kaoru's nose. Tamaki twitched again. Hikaru broke a pencil, and Haruhi winced. Poor pencil.

"I have a great idea for next week's theme, can we discuss it now?" he smiled wider, a small drop of sweat beading on his temple.

"Can we do that later?" Kyouya sounded distracted and completely uncaring. Tamaki resisted the urge to retreat back into his Corner of Woe. "Kaoru requires my assistance in his Physics homework."

Tamaki pouted, "If I don't say it now, then I might forget about it. And it's a great, _profitable_ idea too!"

"Write it down, then, if it's so important," Kyouya still wasn't looking at him. "I'm busy right now, Tamaki."

Tamaki blinked slowly. Kyouya had never, _never_ told him he was busy, especially not when he didn't have his laptop or his notebook with him. This was... this was very, very odd and okaa-san was obviously under some sort of spell set by the devilish twins! Tamaki opened his mouth.

"I thought you're going to write down your 'marvellous idea', Tamaki? Or have you forgotten about it already?" Kyouya turned (finally!) to look it him, and Tamaki wilted.

He picked up a notebook and a pencil and retreated back to his Corner of Woe, drawing circles.

The Great Idea had failed him.

Oh, _woe_!

--

DAY ELEVEN - IN WHICH TAMAKI AND HIKARU WORK TOGETHER

"Tono, tono," Hikaru poked Tamaki on the arm. "Have you noticed that Kaoru and Kyouya-senpai are far too close to each other lately?"

Tamaki gaped at him a little, "You mean you didn't orchestrate the scandalised love affair between your brother and okaa-san?"

"No," Hikaru stared at him flatly. "Why do I want to do that? Kaoru is _mine_ and only mine and I don't like sharing."

Tamaki looked very puzzled now, and no little horrified, "That means that... that means that Haruhi is right!"

"About what?"

"Kyouya and Kaoru are _dating_! Okaa-san is abandoning Otou-san for that devilish twin!" Tamaki held his head in his hands, wailing.

"I won't say that Kaoru's abandoning me, but..." Hikaru pressed his hands to his ears to block out most of Tamaki's wailing. He looked up just in time to see Kaoru and Kyouya reach the door of the Third Music room and entered it. _Without waiting for him._ His eyes widened.

"Oh my god Kaoru is abandoning me! Tono, tono, what should we do?!" Hikaru grabbed Tamaki's tie, shaking the second-year in his panic.

"You should," Kaoru's voice suddenly came from behind him, and Hikaru jumped. "Come out from behind the potted plant, Hikaru."

"It's not polite to spy on other people," Kyouya said, adjusting his glasses. Hikaru swore that he could see a smirk. "It's almost time for the club to start, so why aren't you two getting ready, hmm?"

Tamaki jumped up, pushing Hikaru's hands away from his tie. "I'm coming, okaa-san" He sped through the door, grabbing Kyouya's wrist as he ran towards the changing rooms. The latter shook his head, smiling at Kaoru before disappearing.

Hikaru didn't like that smile. It looked far more... _friendly_ than normal. Kyouya-senpai didn't smile at that to just anyone, he was sure of it.

And, judging by Kaoru's blush, his brother knew that little fact too.

Hikaru scowled.

--

DAY TWELVE - IN WHICH HARUHI IS PUT-UPON AND HARRASSED (MORE THAN USUAL)

"Haruhi, you have to help us!" Hikaru hissed into Haruhi's ear, a hand on her left shoulder. He was staring at where Kyouya and Kaoru were seated together a little too closely, hands barely millimetres apart from each other.

And here she was thinking that they were going to be _subtle_.

She sighed, wanting to say 'I am already helping Kyouya-senpai and Kaoru so I can't help you', but she knew that the moment those words left her mouth her debt would be doubled. She bit her lip, stalling time.

Tamaki, on her right shoulder, turned his large, violet puppy eyes on her. She bit her lip a little harder, trying to catch Kyouya's eyes.

'_Tamaki-senpai's puppy eyes should be considered as a Weapon of Mass Destruction,_' she grumbled inwardly, only half in jest.

Kyouya saw her dilemma and smirked. Haruhi resisted the urge to wave her arms wildly. He smirked and nodded, once, before turning back to Kaoru and feeding him pieces of peeled oranges drizzled with maple syrup. Haruhi felt vaguely sick just watching them.

'_Stupid rich bastards and their crazy eating habits,_' she thought.

Haruhi sighed, turning away from Tamaki's puppy eyes towards the ceiling, looking as if she wanted some divine help. "Fine, fine. I'll help you, Tamaki-senpai, Hikaru."

Hikaru grinned, and she could distinctly hear Tamaki woof in delight. She was very sure that Kaoru was laughing at her, and Kyouya's lips were twitching again.

'_Rich bastards._'

--

DAY THIRTEEN - IN WHICH THE PLOT IS DISCUSSED

"Haruhi," Kyouya said.

The girl turned. The three of them - that is, Haruhi, Kyouya and Kaoru - were all in Kyouya's room that day to further discuss the Plan. Kyouya was seated on the bed, back against a mountain of pillows while Kaoru lounged at the foot. Haruhi was delegated to a chair beside the bed.

Up to this point, they hadn't spoken a word to each other, choosing to do their own reading. Haruhi had been wondering when they would start discussing the Plan that they were all here for.

"You can tell them, you know," Kyouya continued. His fingers stopped typing on his laptop and he fixed his gaze on her. "Don't you agree, Kaoru?"

"Mm?" Kaoru lifted his head from the English novel he was buried in. "Yea. They probably won't figure it out on their own, anyway. Plus it's kind of creepy to get fed by you, Kyouya-senpai, and I'm getting just a little bit sick of maple syrup. That brand's too sweet. No offence meant and everything."

"None taken," Kyouya said, adjusting his glasses with a smile that looked almost surprisingly genuine. Haruhi blinked.

"I should tell them about...?"

"The Plan, Haruhi, the Plan!" Kaoru waved an arm impatiently. "Tell them about the Plan when we break up tomorrow."

"You can pretend that you overheard us talking about it." Kyouya said calmly.

Haruhi sighed, "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"Not really," Kaoru grinned. Kyouya smirked.

She shrugged, turning back to her textbook. It took barely seconds before she was fully immersed in the words.

'_Oh well,_' she thought idly. '_At least this whole business will be over and done with. Honestly, so troublesome._'

--

DAY FOURTEEN - IN WHICH KYOUYA AND KAORU BREAK UP AND HARUHI IS RELIEVED

"Really?" Tamaki asked, his eyes wide and unblinking as he stared at her. Hikaru, beside him, simply gaped without a word.

Haruhi tried to nod and smile as earnestly as she could, "Mmhmm! I overheard them talking about it yesterday, and they broke up today... it's too much of a coincidence, senpai."

Hikaru stood from the position he had been in - squatting behind a large couch, the very same he had hid behind two weeks ago - and strode over to where Kaoru was. His brother was leaning against a wall, looking rather dejected, eyes half-filled with tears. Hikaru could tell, from long experience, that those tears came from the eye drops-bottle that Kaoru always carried.

"Kaoru, is it true that you and Kyouya-senpai were just acting?" he demanded, placing his arms around Kaoru's head, effectively walling him.

Kaoru blinked in surprise, "Where did you hear that, Hikaru?"

"So it means that it's true, then?" Hikaru narrowed his eyes. How did Kaoru manage something like this without him even _suspecting_? His twin was definitely more devious than _he_ was.

His brother smirked, leaning forward until Hikaru would feel his breath in his ears, "Yes, it's true. I did it because you are an oblivious idiot, _nii-san_."

Kaoru kissed him. Straight on the lips.

"Kaoru, what are you doing?!" he said, or, rather, he _tried_ to say. What came out was a gasp, and Hikaru had to blink rather rapidly when he felt Kaoru's tongue in his mouth.

'_That... feels really good,_' he thought, dazed. Kaoru's eyes, so near to his own, were full of mirth and mischief. Hikaru scowled mentally, pulling back slightly until their lips left each other's. Kaoru blinked in confusion.

"I think," he leaned forward, smirking widely, and whispered into Kaoru's ears, "You have forgotten just _who_ is the seme in this relationship, Kaoru..."

His twin smiled, "No I haven't, but since you weren't going to _do_ anything-"

Hikaru silenced him with a hard kiss, pushing Kaoru back against the wall, using his hands to cushion his twin's back.

"You talk too much, otouto-kun," he murmured.

Kaoru grinned against the kiss, and Hikaru smiled.

"You know, it's a little unfair that you date other people when you are with _me_," Tamaki complained, wrapping his arms around Kyouya just a little bit possessively. Just a little.

Kyouya chuckled, "You didn't even notice until Haruhi told you, Tamaki. Does that still count?"

"Of course it does!" Tamaki pouted. "Why did you do that anyway?"

"Because you're an oblivious idiot," Kyouya said, smiling as he leaned back against Tamaki's chest.

Tamaki blinked, frowning, "I'm not an oblivious-"

Kyouya interrupted him with a quick, chaste kiss on his lips, then one between his creased brows, "Yes, you are. No doubt about it."

"The ladies will be upset if they hear you speaking me of this way," Tamaki pointed out, a mischievous grin on his lips. "They might not want to come to the Club any more."

Kyouya raised an eyebrow, "But the customers aren't here right now, are they? Besides, I think they'll be upset just seeing us in the position, which is why we're keeping this secret, no?"

Tamaki sighed, "True, but how _tragic_ this is! We have to keep our beautiful, pure love under wraps to not offend delicate sensibilities and to protect our reputations! Such earthly things should not – mmph!"

Kyouya kissed him again, hard and unyielding this time. Tamaki gasped, opening his mouth unconsciously and felt Kyouya's tongue sneak in. He exhaled softly, hands shifting until one rested on Kyouya's hip and the other tangled in his hair. He kissed back languidly, taking his time to explore his boyfriend's mouth. There was no need to hurry, after all.

Kyouya pulled away just as Tamaki felt slightly breathless and dizzy at the lack of oxygen. Kyouya's lips travelled along his jaw, towards his ear and Tamaki shivered involuntarily at the feather-light touches. His right hand clenched around a handful of silk sheets as Kyouya nipped at his ear.

"Tamaki…" Kyouya whispered, his breath gliding across his ear. Tamaki closed his eyes and hummed softly from the bottom of his throat.

"Hmm?"

"Tamaki," Kyouya said, the heat in his voice sending shivers down Tamaki's spine. "I want to you to fuck me. Now."

Tamaki's eyes snapped open, "Are you sure?"

He was proud that his voice didn't tremble.

"Yes," Kyouya smirked against his neck, and Tamaki gasped when he felt a bite, hard to enough to do all except draw blood. He was briefly glad that Kyouya wasn't a vampire, because he obviously liked biting enough for it, before Kyouya's words penetrated into his mind.

He drew back quickly, head hitting the headboard of the bed. Wincing at the pain, he saw Kyouya's smile – small and hiding laughter – and grinned back foolishly. His fingers found the buttons of Kyouya's blazer and started to unbutton it even as Kyouya unbuttoned his own.

It wasn't long until they were both naked.

_End (not really)_

(To get the full, smutty, NC-17 version, please go to my profile for the link.)


End file.
